I’ll be leaving for my job in Mentor Graphics in Noida in 2 days. Naturally i started packing today. While packing there were thoughts running around my mind and i almost started crying. The reason being…
My mom is ill since last night. Fever, body-pain, headache, shivering, cold. Today morning while my brother went to take medicine for her to a doctor, she started crying. I thought it was due to uneasiness that she feels sometimes due to low BP or she might have imagined that i’d be leaving for noida in 2 days. But i was wrong. She said crying, “My father never let a drop of tear come out of my eyes. He treated me immediately.” (My late grandfather was a doctor himself).
I felt like someone hit me with a lightning. Even though I consoled my mother I could not bear that look… those wet eyes telling me that i have failed. Even though i might have done my Masters, even from an IIT, i had failed to ease the pain of my mother. It tells me that i don’t care enough.
Since I came back from IIT, I have felt quite imprisoned at home. Nothing “meaningful” to do. Nothing “technical” to do. No friends to enjoy with all the time. Whoever called me I said “bore ho raha hu ghar par”. I hated paying for those bills, applying for ration card, listen to mom’s strict orders, not able to see what i like on tv, etc etc. But now i realise its very easy to leave all the problems behind at home and do a “high paying” & “meaningful” job far far away from home. But facing the problems and bringing smile on the faces of the family is very difficult. Forget about smile, caring and easing the pain of family is a great great responsibility and difficult to complete. Hope my very caring brother does a better job. I am sure he will.